i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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