I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
