I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
