Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
