I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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