When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
