im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
