There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
