I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize