I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
