No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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