Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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