Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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