We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
