This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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