SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't turn off my feet"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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