we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
