Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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