so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
