i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize