You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
