Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
