Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
