After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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