she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
