I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
