my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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