we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
