I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
