Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
