I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
