ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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