8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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