How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
