somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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