i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize