Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
