I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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