I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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