all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
