this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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