I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The power of my boobs compel you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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