hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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