Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
