I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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