you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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