You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i came on her dog
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
