Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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