i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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