I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize