Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can't special order awesome
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
