then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
