nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
