so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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