I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
