let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish my penis had a tongue
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
