I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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