If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize