3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
