We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
