In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
