Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
