Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize