my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
