i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
