you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
