what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
