the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
