Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
