Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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