By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
