And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize