I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
