Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
