You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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