I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
