OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
