i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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