are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
