Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
