i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
