exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
