it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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