hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
