Your mouth is God's brothel.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize