I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
