I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
