So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
