Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
