can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
