I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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