that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
