I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
