last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize