this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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