from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
