Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
